Cosmopolitan always came up with the most amazing titles and sometimes the content you can relate – 12 Problems Only You, the Single Friend, Understand is exactly what I can relate. For Asia ladies, I’m gladly to offer my interpretation of the points and add up a few more.
Let’s verify the list together:
1. Perpetual third-wheel hangouts.
[True] Be it totally into each other, can’t take the hands off each other or they are having a huge fight. Only in my case, the two loving people are my best friends. I’m happy to be the third wheel all the time and usually not just snack is around, there’s also beer and a cute puppy. Same also applies to my straight married friends, thank god for the cute kids they parent!
2. Getting pity invitations to things.
[True] Thank goodness for that! Especially during holiday seasons when most of your friends are back home spending time with significant other and family. You get extra lonely when you used to have a “hometown” to go back together with your SO and you now are stuck in Asia with a family that doesn’t really celebrate the season.
3. Getting set up with everyone’s crappy leftover friends.
[Not So True] The thing is when you reach to a certain age, even the crappy leftover friends are no longer single. You’ll just end up with other single ladies at the events and complain about how hard to find a guy and drink to whatever reason.
4. Having to hear tons of platitudes like, “You’ll find someone,” every time you talk to your friends.
[True to the MAX] “You’ll find someone.” “The best is yet to come.” “It’ll be your turn soon.” are among my top three. I know you mean it when you say it. It just gets a bit annoying for me to realise the fact that I haven’t found anyone. Maybe, I’ll find someone at the age of 90 or maybe I never find “the one”. It matters, but if that’s the way it is, let it be. Yes, thank you for being there for me! Please do continue include me in all the family events and consider me as an adapted sister or some sorts. I don’t mind =)
5. Getting asked, “Whatever happened to so and so?” like they were The One and you blew it.
[Semi-True] Luckily, my ex is still single. I would feel jealous if he’s with someone now. It’s just my nature. I do wish him well but there will be a small part of me feeling jealous. There were times when I realised all the guys I rejected in the past are all married with kids now. If it’s not right, I shouldn’t deprive the guys’ right of seeking true happiness by dominating his heart with someone who didn’t cherish it(aka, me).
6. Watching your super-happy friends in couples being super-happy. This is wonderful on some level, it really is. And on another level, a reminder that you might never have that, why, God, why.
Direct Copy & Pasting and it’s [COMPLETELY TRUE]. The sad part of me is crying over this…
7. Dinner parties where you’re sitting in between two couples because you’re the only single person there.
[Totally True] I’m used to it now. It’s couples, kids and me. I think I blend right in. That fact that I love kids helps a lot. I can direct my attention to the cutest things on earth.
8. Your friends only call you when their partners are out of town.
[Not True] I’m super lucky to have friends who do care about me genuinely and call me on a regular basis. Of course, they call me when their partners are out of town too. I’m glad to be on the caller list.
9. Your friends think all your traumatizing online dating stories are hilarious.
[True] They have been supportive and listening to my stories. OK, I’ll drop OKC. It’s Not an easy place for find meaningful relationship or even relationship to begin with.
10. Friends who tell you, “Never get married,” when they’re fighting with their partner and therefore you lose all hope in love.
[Not True] All of my friends are happy married and at least they still have faith in their marriage. That has to come down to the fact that most of my friends did get married out of love not the social pressure of getting married under a certain criteria (eg. age).
11. Your friends always want to partaaayyyy with you.
[Semi-True] They want to party with me not because they are bored in their laidback life, but also they want to cheer me up and make me feel cherished as well. Oh yes, my drinking has been cut down but still have some wild nights.
12. Partnered friends want all your hot single gossip.
[Not True] They do know I have no gossip and no guys on my radar. Sad, but it’s true.
Points to add up:
13. You check out the ring fingers whenever you meet a new guy at social settings.
It’s not that you are desperate, but you just automatically check out the ring finger and see if the guys’s married. We a good moral girls. Keep your hands off from the married guys.
When you see the guy’s ring finger is empty, you go like:
When you meet his beautiful wife, you go like:
14. At extensive family gathering or at school reunion, people who haven’t seen you for a while would ask “When will you invite me to your wedding?”
Sod it! I don’t even have a guy in my radar. Do you want me to marry myself and send you the invite? I know you mean no harm asking and just want to break the ice. But 8 out of 10 times you asking a single ladies, the answer would be very likely to be “I don’t have a boy friend yet.” I have to fight the urge everything to tell them not to ask me any more. If I’m getting married, I WILL TELL YOU. Not that you will be invited. Still I WILL TELL YOU. AND I DON’T MEAN IT if I Say “I don’t have anyone yet. Could you introduce someone?” I just wanted to say it to shut you up. Don’t follow up. BUT if my parents asking for something similar for me. They MEAN it.
15. “You are just too picky.” – Or the implication of ” there must be something wrong with you if you are still single.”
I don’t want to get married or partnered with simply because I’m lonely or the societal norm says so. If I mean someone who I really want to spend the rest of my life with, I’ll make a commitment. That doesn’t necessarily has to be marriage. I just haven’t met the someone who will make me settle yet. So Save your criticism and accept that fact that singlehood can be happy too.
16. “You are not getting any younger.” “You biological clock is ticking.” Especially from your parents or someone older than you.
Of course I know I’m not getting any younger. Does that mean my chance of finding love is lower? Even with child-birth which has more to relate to age, there’s a solution to it. I can freeze my eggs. So when I am finally ready to have kids (I’ll make sure the kids grow up with a loving family), I can take them out and have an IVF. That actually cease a lot of women’s nightmare.
16. Being the “Case Study” of the extensive family.
Yes, when you reach a certain age and still not married. The negative sigma attaches to you. In extensive family gathering, on the surface, they would ask you about your love life and the gossip would go around as a negative example. “Look at your Cousin, she missed her chances and now she has to be an old lady. Don’t follow her path.” etc etc.
17. “How’s your sex life?”
Non existence. It’s not NYC back in the 90s. It’s not sex and the city. Unless, I want to dress up every weekend and get my slut face on and try hitting on non super hot guys, the true is I don’t score that much, or at all. You reach an age that the clubbing/hooking up scene seems too small and you see the same people. And the thing is you don’t even the the guts to talk to guys unless you are pissed drunk. That wouldn’t make you more attractive. So, nothing. Nada. I’m not interested in meeting guys online just for casual sex. Sex life related question can be tough.
It’s never easy being single in any culture. The loneliness will haunt you and the overly loving coupled up friends will make you jealous. Just do whatever make you feel good and ignore what others think of you. You only have to be responsible for you own life. Done something you regretted? Learn from it and MOVE ON. Life is too short to be sad or to spend it not to the fullest to your full advantage.
Chin up, Cheer up and have fun!
La La Land to me is not a romantic story about two people. It’s a love letter and a romance between people and dreams. Both characters even though not together, realized their dreams.
iagegracefully 