I was having a burnout after returning back to work after my second maternity leave. I’m finally back to work after 1.5 years sabbatical. I’d like to bring more awareness to burnouts so that other who are on a similar path can spot the symptoms earlier on to prevent burnouts happening to them.

What does a burnout look like?

I barely slept. It was either my baby waking up multiple times or my body preparing for her to wake up multiple times. Insomnia almost every night. I felt constantly tired, couldn’t focus and I simply blacked out mid-sentence while presenting at a management meeting. My mind was always overwhelmed and racing, yet never present or focused.

In fact, I could almost tick all the boxes

If you are feeling a few if the above symptoms for a prolonged period if time, I’d suggest you seek professional help.

What did I learnt from the burnout?

1. It takes a village to raise a kid especially if you have already an elder kid – get all the help you need

I thought having a second kid would be easy as you already knew a thing or two about taking care of an infant. What I didn’t know was indeed how to handle my growing toddler. How I also needed to spend quality time with my elder between all the nursing and diapers. That also means I couldn’t nap while the baby slept.

Use all the help you need! I was silly. I didn’t have a full time helper (only a part time coming in a few hours a week to clean). I was supposed to be in recovery or in confinement. But instead, I was ordering grocery online and cooking dinners and cleaning up afterwards on top of taking care of my kids. Be smart – hire a confinement lady or entrust an experienced and willing family member/friend to take care of you and baby and definitely a domestic helper to take care of the house hold stuff.

The biggest mistake was indeed I was checking my work emails while was nursing at night. What a silly thing to do. I honestly had no idea why I did it. Probably trying to prove I’m still useful of something while I feel failing as a mother 😢. That started my restlessness.

Lesson learnt – REST is Uber important. You can’t give on an empty tank. Period.

2. Pause & Me time

Had you ever just kept flipping through shows on Netflix and never managed to find something to watch? That was me at supposedly “relax time”: thinking of what to do, taking a photo to post on social media and thinking of a clever caption. Finally got around to do the “relaxation”. Opps.. time’s up. Your kid woke up from the naps back to “work mode”

Definitely find some time for yourself. Probably away from social media. My top recommendation would be a guided meditation. I love Insight Timer and found just lying down having my headphone one for 30-40 minutes of guided meditation energies me especially when I am overwhelmed or low on energy. Meditation might not be everyone as it might not align with your religion or belief system. Choose something that allows you to take a pause and calms you. If praying calms you, pray it is. Or simply take 3 deep breaths.

3. Work out & Supplements

Keeping a regular workout routine (even just a 5 minutes stretching or just 10 squats to start with) is very important to maintain your energy level and take your mind off for some time. Start slow. I tried too intense at first when I first starting the Yoga teacher training. It was indeed counterproductive. If you are not as physical like me, start slow and build it up. I maintained 3-4 yoga classes a week and strength training once a week during my sabbatical. It really paid off. I definitely felt the change when I first went back to work and stopped my regular workouts. When I rebuilt my routine around my work and family, my energy level rose back up. Budget (in terms of time at least) that in your weekly life.

Supplement – I thought I had a balance diet but ageing is real (bxxxx). My energy level isn’t as high and with reduced workout time after returning to work, my body could totally feel it. I started taking vitamin b related supplements for energy and natural supplements (Saffron and Ashwagandha) for better sleep. Surprisingly, NR works so much better for me than the much hyped NMN. As a mother, you simply can’t be sick. Taking Vitamin C and probiotic is basic to support your immune system. I am already researching on perimenopause supplement just to be prepared.

4. Mom Guilt is Real and Embrace It

Mom guilt is the feeling of guilt for not being there for your kids or not doing enough. From a full-time mom to working mom, the change is significant. I felt terrible not being able to attend all the school activities, picking up and dropping off my kids at school, not doing homework with my elder (I outsourced it to my mom. Thank goodness for grandma!) I still feel bad in the morning when my kids would have separation anxiety holding onto me and begging me not to go to work when I am about to leave. It’s hard. I would feel guilty sometimes when I see photos/videes of my kids having fun after school and I was not there. However, I learn to turn the guilt into something more positive – trying to be present for my kids, listening to their stories and soaking up all the snuggling time. That means no phones, no distraction. When I catch myself thinking of the to-do list, I just gently bring my attention back, by focusing on my breath, breathing in the smell of my kids’ hair. That calms me and brings me back.

5. Have a Schedule/Routine but Go with the Flow

I was so nervous going back to back to work. I planned a meticulous schedule for myself down to the minutes, including time with my kids, with my husband, Me Time & enough sleep. At the time when I planned it, I was satisfied. But in reality, I failed miserably. I was not able to stick to the schedule and resents it. Beautiful night of sleep would be disturbed by a kid’s night waking, quiet morning might be noisy when both kids wake up early wanting to play… and I felt super stressed out for being late and getting inpatient when it was not on schedule. Then I realised it was not working. I know what I can manage –

Ferry: the time on the ferry for guided meditation and putting on sunscreen;

Bedtime: after everyone goes to sleep, I have alone time to unwind. If I manage to write the gratitude journal, I call it a win.

Morning: I get up early to make breakfast for my kids. It gives me satisfaction that I’m contributing to their first meal of the day. But if my kids want me to stay in bed longer, I just soak in the moment and let our Aunty cook breakfast. That significantly reduce my stress in the morning. Just go with the flow. Priories kids always.

6. Have Your Support Network Ready

Life is full of ups and downs. While you are in a better place mentally, something unexpected might trigger you down the spiral. It’s important to observe yourself and also have your help ready – your partner, your friends who you can count on, your therapists etc. It’s particularly important to have a network, not just one. I’m so grateful to have some likeminded friends who are also in the mindfulness and mental wellness journey. We remind each other to take care of ourselves or just as simple as sending each other meaningful or just silly memes. I know I’m not alone. Thanks to my persistent friend, I joined a women’s empowerment workshop just a couple weeks back. I didn’t even realise I needed that until I had that. I felt so much recharged and energised and loving afterwards.

7. Be Grateful and Compassionate

What you appreciate appreciates. The feeling of gratitude switches your perspective drastically especially when things are tough. Count your blessing or simply think of 5-10 things you are grateful for. Compassionate especially to self is important. Instead of blaming yourself for what happens, try to be compassionate to self. Give yourself a big hug.

That’s my journey so far. I keep learning and this time I wouldn’t be so judgmental of myself and instead, I will show compassion to myself and curiosity to my feelings. It’s so much easier said than done but I will keep trying.

What’s your story? Any other fellow working moms sharing a similar path? How are you doing?

Where do I start?

Growing up as a little girl, my mom was a good seamstress (not as good now. She still makes clothes for my little one). She would but tailor books and make me dresses and clothes. I had a full wardrobe of custom made clothes as a kid in China. I didn’t quite need to buy in shops and was not used to talking to sales assistants. I was just shy.

The Build-up

Fast foreword to the late 90s and 00s, Alta skinny is the ideal figure. I was slightly above that ultra skinny figure and I felt Fat (5’3, 48kg, I was actually underweight). That was the norm in Hong Kong. I felt insecure when shopping in the stores as I didn’t look very skinny when I tried things on and I hated window shopping 🛍 and didn’t enjoy talking to the sales associate. The sales associates are trained to up sell and link sell. I almost always persuaded to buy more than I originally need (higher IPC) and left the store feeling stressed. I hated shopping and not that I had bc a lot of money to buy as well with my very small income from my part time job. My wardrobe consisted of just school uniforms and the ‘new clothes’ we bought for Chinese New Year or during big sale time in the summer. I could even share one with my mom – very small wardrobe.

The Peak

Another jump in time to late 00s, I discovered Taobao and ASOS. Omg!! The craziness started. I could buy beautiful clothes they my size (8 UK) for a fraction of the cost in physical stores. Even though without their very smart AI merchandising tool, the “things you may also like” sparked my desire to own (I had that desire before the Chinese internet term plant gross and harvest grass were even invented). And the expensive shipping free did help increase my ATV. I had a thing for one piece dress and definitely a phrase for knockoff Karen Millen. After a few bumps on the road, I found my store and my size. I just kept buying.

It reached to a point that I needed two wardrobe and a full additional clothes rack (the rack kept falling due to the weight). I was trying to figure out a new fashion app (no longer available in App Store) so I started a project “a dress a day” – guess what, I actually went through 100 days without repeating a dress. One hundred days and one hundred dresses 👗

Even my colleagues back then noticed my project. Well it didn’t make it big on the fashion app. Honestly it’s poor quality photos with shaky background

Downsizing Episode 1

Then on day, my friend said she started a new book and that book really changed her life. Of course, it’s Marie Kondo’s life changing magic of tidying up. She removed so much stuff. She was an early adopter of the book. Somehow the book landed in my hand (a lot of recommendation after). Another friend kept saying “spark joy” and some might never start unfriending the connection which doesn’t “spark joy” on Facebook.

I read and got sure inspired and motivated. According to the book, start with wardrobe and it was how I started –

The memory of 10 pairs of jeans that I just put on an upper part of the wardrobe fell on me, is still very vivid now after over 5 years. So I catagorsed and started with jeans, socks, panty hose (seriously why did I have so many pair? I only worn once or twice a year when it was too cold to wear dresses without), and accessories (you don’t know how much you end up with when you have staff sale and staff discount 🤪)

Want to see some numbers?

• – Over 200 dresses (yes, I bought more after the 100 dresses project) – also, mostly I already passed the age of friends getting married. No cocktail dresses needed to attend yet another wedding (my record in 2009 was 13 weddings in a year)

• – over 30 pairs of jeans (among which, i only wore 2-3 pairs in a regular base – as in every two months

• – over 70 watches (this is definitely the aftermath of staff sale)

• – over 50 bags/wallets/backpack (also staff sale)

• – necklaces, bracelets, rings – I lost count

• – 2 full size shoes cabinet (not empty of course, who are we fooling? 😎)

• So after one while tiring and agonising day:

• 1 whole racks of dresses to resell

• 3 huge suitcases of various clothes to giveaway

• 50 watches to giveaway

• And 3 bags of clothes to recycle ♻️

• 20+ shoes left leaving the shoe only a half shoe shoe cabinet

I felt so much better. I could fit all my clothes in my tiny wardrobe and my 3 drawers and folded according to the Marie Kondo way too.

I managed to be quite disciplined I would say. But like my friend (who was the first one in my circle that started the tidying up), I over tidied up and I actually need to buy some practical items again even they don’t necessarily spark joy (they keep me warm ❄️). Yet my wardrobe was not overflowing. I only bought two pairs of maternity pants and 2 maternal dresses throughout my pregnancy 🤰🏾 pretty impressive, right? (I’m impressed myself too)

Yo-Yo 🪀 – opps, I did it again 🎵

Well, I managed to downsize and maintain “slim” for a few years. What went wrong? – breastfeeding happened!! (I love every minute of breastfeeding even including the mastitis part- best bonding time ever 💕

I need to buy breastfeeding clothes. At first, I went for my go-to – the infamous 😈Taobao 😈

However, I soon discovered the breastfeeding clothes on there don’t make much sense, poor quality (like break easily, not that I am fat), and just simply not easy or comfortable. You can’t imagine juggling a hungry infant, taking up cover and undressing for feeding. And nursing bra too. Only available h&m site but the site was always unavailable (how ironic). I did manage to get a couple but they didn’t last. So I bought a few nursing clothes from Taobao and none of them were good to wear for one month. I was in a clothe drought… then I found Boob Design and Bravados nursing bras. Both sustainably sources and with good quality. I went through a small bump of a Singaporean based nursing clothes shop – better than Taobao but not as nice as Boob Design (yes, I bought about 10 dresses in total 🙈)

The worse came when I started a new job – breastfeeding friendly business attire required. The ones I have are way too casual and not as easy to clip on the pump.

So I figured I need a lot of two pieces. As a working parent of a baby/toddler, you want to spend all your time soaking up in the cuteness and love from your little one. I didn’t have time to mix and match so I ended up always buy sets of clothes (not too suit like) and wear them according to the match. There are times where I couldn’t find the match (especially during colder time, like today, I just wear two piece that don’t really work together). I bought for summer and winter (well in Hong Kong, it’s 9 month long summer and 9 month long winter in your office too. So I bought double (my excuse anyway)

I would say Taobao’s AI merchasing is working very well showing the items that I might also like. And on 618 and 11.11, I did the inevitable – I bought loads

My wardrobe is overflowing again, even though I already bought a dresser with drawers. They are all full… (I even started putting winter stuff, like my super down jacket 🧥 in the states where it’s actually cold cold 🥶)

The Realization

So my wardrobe is back in the oversize status. So happened, I ran into the show minimalist on Netflix. The idea is very close to Marie Kondo (she has her own Netflix show too. In fact, many people dressed up as her on Halloween – that’s definitely a popularity indicator 😝). Over consumerism is bring threat to our planet earth – from the waste that fast fashion produces to the working condition of the the workers in the factories. No need to go into details of how much we are wasting. There’s another element to the show is that wanting less brings more happiness. You are not constantly buying or owning things to fill the void in your heart. You spend time appreciate things you have and more time on the things that matter more to you.

Ok, I just received the shipment of yet another online purchase. (Well, I did that before the realisation).

Resolution for 2020

• buy less

• buy quality and from sustainable source – so that I can wear/use for longer – durable – a quality my parents generation always looked for in clothes or any household products

• live more and spend more time on things that matters 👨‍👩‍👧

Happy year of the smart Rat!

Lipstick effect, according to Wikipedia,

the theory that when facing an economic crisis consumers will be more willing to buy less costly luxury goods. Instead of buying expensive fur coats, for example, people will buy expensive lipstick.The underlying assumption is that consumers will buy luxury goods even if there is a crisis. 

It also has psychological effect – women’s desire to attract mates with resources and depends on the perceived mate attraction function served by these products. In addition to showing how and why economic recessions influence women’s desire for beauty products.

We are not to talk about whetherthe lipstick sales surge is predicting a crisis a not. I can’t avoid seeing any mention of case studies about premium lipsticks reading about beauty Ecommerce in China. (I’m just rewriting based on what I read.) In fact, it’s the fastest growing category in Beauty China, growing a staggering 97% in 2017.

Today, i’m here to talk about how premium lipsticks make it to the top selling products on the Tmall (JD, VIP and koala etc) shelf.

On Tmall, China’s biggest Ecommerce platform (arguably world’s biggest or second biggest), both premium cosmetics brands YSL (only launched on Tmall since apr 2018) and Mac’s lipstick sales are disproportionately huge, accounting for 85% and 92% over total sales respectively. Priced at over RMB200 above per tube, these lipsticks are not cheap as everyday necessity (as you don’t just stop at 1 tube) but definitely not expensive as a feel-good simple indulgence. How are the figures translated into actual tubes of lipsticks? Hmm, I want to know too.

So what’s behind YSL’s lipstick sales?

Oh, they did it so well with influencers – it was glorified as the ONLY gift to signify their love from boyfriends to their girlfriends – testimony of love. Girls where sharing posts about YSL lipsticks on social to subtly (not too subtly) to hint (*wink wink). The lipsticks are built up as the “girlfriend gift”. After all, 1 iPhone 7 equally 22 YSL lipsticks (I didn’t do the calculation, chinese netizen did).

Love wins (or marketing leveraging on it wins).

Stealing old photo from sohu:

It was indeed the counter in Seoul (not China but all the “sold out” or purchase quota “one tube per customer” signs are all written in simplified Chinese (the official language in China)

Let’s talk about Mac – L2 gave it a flash of genius. I have to agree with L2 on this one.

Mac x Tencent’s Honour of Kings (Arena of Valor)

I’m sure you have heard of Tencent – the company that owns WeChat, QQ and many more (most additive mobile games in China for example).

When you think mobile games are for guys only, think twice. Take one of the most popular mobile games in China, Honour of Kings, for example. Most than half of their over 100 million (yes, 9 digits, I counted with my fingers 🤪) monthly active users (MAU) are female. They are not just female, they are Gen Z (18-24) mostly with disposable income (at least to spend on cosmetic items).

Instead of initiated from the brand, the unlikely collaboration was a result of customer’s demand. According Jingdaily, MAC noticed the players of the games always mentioned their brand when creating lip colors for their characters in the game. Also, without constraint from the brand’s headquarter, local team had all the freedom and support to start the collaboration with Tencent. And ta da, born the 5 branded limited edition lipsticks for Honour of the Kings.

14,000 preorder within 24 hours of launch on their brand site, WeChat mini program and their Tmall. Seriously 14,000 is more thing compared to the over 100,000 tubes monthly sales on Tmall alone, the buzz generated and the halo effect is the gold.

The verdict – no matter if the economy blooms or turns gloom, photogenic (Instagramable or ins – the way Chinese netizens call Instagram or Livestreaming-able) makeup products – aka lipstick is one of the most compulsive buying items

See exhibit A – my little collection (after two rounds of life changing magic of tidying up – My Charlotte Tibury lipsticks didn’t make it to the photo) well, they still do spark joy and I’m still tempted every time I see an ad (of any format)

(This post has been stuck at my draft for a few months – the past 11.11 lipsticks are still the highest selling products makeups)

Updates:

Before Covid19, there was still a strong glow of lipstick sales. The pandemic is very saddening. Hope the worst is already gone and we are on our way to be back to normal!

Mask wearing and working from home is the new normal. That means the way people put on makeup (or the lack of it completely) has changed. Lipsticks had negative growth. A similar form of lipstick economy emerged – Mascara index. (Honestly, Mascara sales especially in the premium category has been in decline for a long while. With the rise of lash extension and even magnetic lashes, it’s not hard to see why). China, the first country that returned to work back to normal saw a 150% increase in eye makeup. I bet is eye liners and brow products. Here’s an interesting take on Mascara index

Has your makeup routine changed? Are you still putting on makeup? Even I’m back to normal work schedule, I haven’t put on any makeup for at least 4 months nor have I bought any makeup items either, instead, I bought skincare and self care products.

She was one of those who made duck lips a hit on the Internet and there was a Kylie Jenner duck lip challenge. If you don’t know about it, try google “Kylie Jenner duck lips”🙈

she launched her lip kit, which sold out almost immediately. See post from her IG

Let’s not forgot she had the post of her hair which was the most liked posted on IG at the time (2015).

The Internet was broken again when she hid her pregnancy all 9 months even appearing constantly on their famous family reality show.

Why would we not be surprised that she’s launching hair and baby care.

I’m not a fan of the show but I definitely admire their business sense building a ginormous business from their influence 🙈👍🏾 and their engagement on Instagram and snapchat