Bridesmaid Etiquette – from an almost professional Bridesmaid

Hard Facts –

– I’ve been a bridesmaid for over 18 times

– 3 Times Maid of Honor,

– 2 times on the groomsmen side,

– Since the age of 17

– Been to over 100 weddings (in Zhongshan, Hong Kong, Shanghai, Hamilton, Standerfjord, Barcelona etc)

Thank God that I am almost done of my bridesmaid’s career, unless my gay husband is getting married, I won’t be a bridesmaid again. Probably once or twice more for my unmarried close friends. I’ve filled my quota for being a maid of honor and I am not getting married any time soon.

I know a thing or two about bridesmaid’s etiquette:

– Your Bridemaid’s dress?

Ok. Start from having your say in choosing. Some brides might dictate what you wear and some are very liberal. They let you choose from a few styles. Mostly, you just need to choose the same color. From my experience, most of the brides have a vision of how color or style they want as the birdesmaids’ dresses but they do offer some flexibility for her friends to choose according to their body shape. They usually are nice enough to pay for your dress. In this case, remember to turn into the fitting on time and make sure you pick up the dresses early enough.

On the day, bring a few double side adhesive tape (skin friendly ones) and a few pins. Your fellow bridesmaid will definitely thank you for that.

– Pre-wedding gathering

You might have a ton to do and wouldn’t care less what games girls want to torture the groomsmen. I personally am not too interested in torturing the groomsmen let alone bargaining for the ‘door opening laisee’. Try to do a little research before the gathering. If you have the time and effort to prepare for a game, please do it wholeheartedly. Buy the stuff you need and get them ready before the big day. If you are honestly not up for it, do something else. I always volunteered for being the master of ceremony coz it’s the easiest. You might not have the best banquet but you don’t need to worry about the duty until on that day or the day before. For the gathering, turn up on time, take notes and check your email. The couple will send you an ultra detailed wedding rundown of the day. Highlight the parts that are related to you and remember it.

– Lucky Money

It’s always touchy. I don’t buy into “the most you pay, the closer you are”. Look at your friends’ situation and yours. A wedding is super expensive. If your friends are emptying their pocket to pull together the wedding, be generous. If you are ok with your dispensable income, spend a bit more than the fixed price depending how in need they are and how comfortable you are. If your friends are good with income, just go with the normal fixed price and add up a couple hundred. 

– On the day

Remember your duty!!!! You are a bridesmaid and you have your responsibility. Remember your tasks and carry out with your best effort. Be considerate and helpful to other bridesmaids and be social. You might not know all of the bridesmaids. Make an effort to bond with them. You are there for a reason – your marrying friend. Be grateful that you are chosen. If you are the maid of honor, just remember you are the bride’s best friend and you are the maid for the day. Any hard feelings during the day? Suck it up. She’s under a lot of stress and she might not be her usual self. You love her and forgive her.

– Don’t outshine the bride

It’s not about you. It’s about her. No matter how much you want to standout and look good. You are there to support. Try your very best to let the bride shine and make her day memorable.

– Don’t get drunk

It’s not the married couple’s responsibility to take care of a drunk friend. Be sober for the wedding and don’t make a fool of yourself. It can be sentimental and you might feel jealous too. Drink some other time. Have your class.

I don’t have 27 dresses but I’m close to it. If there’s any “always a bridesmaid, never a bride’ story. That would be me 😉


Any Etiquette I missed out? Tell me



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