The terms 女汗紙 （女渶子 ﹣ Heroine, well, nowadays, widely conveys for daring girls who are brave enough to confess their feelings to the guys they have a crush on). This term becomes so popular and it’s now cool to be 女汗紙.
Actually, I was a 女汗紙 myself back in high school. I was always one of the gangs among the fun and cool kids, one of the boyish girls who are cheering for the ball games and chatting with the guys. I had a crush on one of the guy who always picked on me. And then, I emigrated to Hong Kong, leaving my gangs of friends behind. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Due to the distance, my idea of him got more perfect and then my crush became even stronger. At first, only the girls knew about it. Later on, it became more apparent to everyone. I did even send an email (I wrote eDM, at first. Occupational Hazard of being an e-Marketer) to him with some ASCII art (I Really Like You in Chinese). I went back to China whenever I had holiday. There was one time that we all stayed in our friends’ place. He retold me the whole story of a famous online novel (First Intimate Contact 第一次的親蜜接觸 – Anyone of our age had read this book back then). It was our closet encounter, one of the most romantic night in my teens. When I went back to Hong Kong, the first thing I did was to get the book and reread it in details. I even wrote online articles for him. “You are a color blind and I’d love to show you colors”. (Gosh, how could I write something like that?) Back then, the guy who had a not too secret crush on me read the article too and he loved it. It’s kinder bitter sweet. Well, of course, the guy I liked didn’t fall for me. The little spark didn’t develop into fire. He became distant and I tried to avoid him at all cost. Well, at least, the whole school knew about my fondness for him.
He later found his ideal girl friend, who’s tall, pretty, intelligent and capable too. She later became the Mrs. I actually thought yes, she deserves him. (我輸得心服心服). I was always this little bit jealous and life goes on.
Years passed. Earlier on this year, I saw him again at the school reunion. He was the representative of our grade as he’s one of the most successful graduates having a high up post in the government with a trophy wife and a lovely daughter. After the reunion dinner, we went onto Karaoke drinking gathering (one of the most favourite pastime of Mainland Chinese). After a few drinks, he came to me and apologized. I was a bit confused on why. Later on, there’s another after-party. Even though I wasn’t single but I was free enough to join the party with my cousin who was in the same grade. Well, at the drinking gathering, a couple of the married classmates made a pass at me. At the after-party, the “girl-friends” of my married guy classmates joined. His joined too. She wasn’t even pretty. At that stage of my mind, I just wondered why. Why a mistress? Why her?
The next day, I started to feel sorry for his wife. She was perfect. A wife anyone could only dream of. And then a realization strike me. I felt lucky not being accepted by him. Thank you for rejecting me!
If I was his girl friend, I would spent all the summer holiday in China. Instead of an exchange program to the States, I might choose a program to his uni. I wouldn’t be opening up my eyes and my mind to the world outside. It’s very likely I would be dumped right after graduation feeling heart-broken and jumped on the first guy I met and stuck in a marriage that’s going nowhere.
Well, I’m not married with kids with a happy family. However, I’m happy where I am, dressing up, travelling to new places, treating my family, enjoying time with my friends.
I’m just a happy my 盛 lady, a former 女汗紙. Everything happens for a reason. Anything doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Thank you again for not choose me!
Here’s to you and all other guys I have loved before. Thank you!